Dentists and Shopping

I hate dentists and orthodontists. I'm sure they have a crappy job, having to withstand horribly smelly breath and rotting teeth and the like, but in my opinion, it's worse for the patients. Your name is called, you follow the dentist into one of the many rooms that smell of weird toothpaste and they sit you down in what resembles an electric chair of rape and use foreign devices to pluck, pull, stab and rip apart your teeth with while their eyes gleam a bright red.

As for orthodontists, I have braces, but I'm getting them off in a couple months. They had to make moulds for my retainer, so they use this cold, slimy pink substance in which they plaster into giant metal plates they squeeze into your mouth, then press down onto your teeth for a full minute. The fact that the substance is cold doesn't bother me much, but that the giant metal plates go way back in your mouth, causing you to constantly gag and drool all over yourself. It's gross and it's hard to breathe because you're gagging and flailing your arms all over the place.

Then after prying open your jaws and removing the metal plate you're stuck with gross pink bits stuck in your teeth and braces. Doing the bottom jaw isn't nearly as bad as the top jaw, but either way it's a horrible experience.

After finally being allowed to let go I asked the dentist if I could have a pack of gum from the large glass vases  that they give to people after doing a normal dentist check-up. She stared at me with demonic, hateful eyes as though she wanted to rip out my spine and beat me with it. I took that as a no and quietly left.


Also, mom got me some cough drops. I was all happy and popped one in my mouth, expecting to taste great because it's eucalyptus flavoured, and I had eucalyptus flavoured tic-tacs on Germany which were the best ever, but as soon as the lozenge hit my taste buds I knew I was wrong. It's difficult to explain how gross it is, but the texture was like eating a piece of really hard wax. Bentasil...you have ruined the delicious taste of eucalyptus. Learn from the koalas and choose the right kind of eucalyptus, not the crap kind.

My mom and my brother went grocery shopping recently. Terry (my brother) normally buys his stuff separately, and because mom buys 'light' egg nog, which is 70% less fat, Terry of course, bought the original kind. And mom naturally complained, exclaiming that Terry is going to get fat. But only my sister is the larger one, really. And my dad. Terry and I are skinny as twigs, and all we do is sit at the computer all day and occasionally eat.