Things that ruined my childhood

First of all, Disney movies. All their subliminal jokes they slipped in the scenes and things I thought were normal as a kid but are actually seemingly awkward as a teen now. I watched The Fox and The Hound recently and I was scared to find that when Copper and Tod were 'playing' it looked like they were trying to rape each other. They try to make everything seem kid-like, but in that manner have made everything immature to the point it's disturbing. Nowadays kid movies seem more realistic-ish but producers think kids these days are getting fat and irresponsible and are therefore a lot more boring because they have no action, retarded humor and plots like 'leading a happy life', 'not killing other people', 'sharing', and 'kindness'. Kids are way more interesting and badass if they're destructive and actually funny. They also make more friends that way. No-one likes happy little kids who are always doing their homework, cleaning, helping out their parents or doing something helpful instead of building a tank out of lego blocks and placing snakes in their siblings beds.

Apparently so.

Number two:
Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, The Tooth Fairy, etc.
When I was little I had always thought about these people. Santa, for example, enters your house, steals your cookies and milk, dumps off a load of presents-half of which you probably didn't ask for-then goes back up the chimney. Which confused me because some houses don't have a chimney. I would sit there and ask myself questions like, 'Why does he go through a chimney? Why not a front door? Why does he leave presents? What kind of job is that? Does he get paid? Why flying reindeer? Why don't kids in poor countries get presents from him?' I asked myself those questions until I thought my head would explode from the grief of not knowing and over-stimulation. Then one day, I realized why. Santa is a JERK. He doesn't visit poor countries like parts of Africa because he's racist! THAT FAT BASTARD. Screw you Santa. Even my little cousins Matt and Zack understand that Santa doesn't give presents to kids in Africa, which is why they offered to give some of their presents to those poor kids. I salute you, cousins. And Santa should be some serial killer who is trying to good by giving toys to kids and getting other serial killers to help him out and be his bitches. And he should give toys to poor kids too, they work harder than your average businessman...and that's just for survival.
Easter Bunny. A giant fat rabbit that somehow appears in your completely locked up house and does something different for most people. At my house he would fill the baskets with chocolate and then hide them, others he might hide chocolate eggs all over the place. I don't know, I don't care. That rabbit breaks into my house every year and hides my pretty basket full of stuff that could make me obese. Do you want half to population of Canada and America to go obese? Ok, well, lots of Americans are obese, but still. DO YOU WANT THEM TO GET EVEN MORE OBESE? That's gross man. Why the hell a rabbit? 'Because it's spring and rabbits are cute and fluffy.' I want chocolate delivered to my house by a eagle that drops flash grenades when kids try to peek at him hiding the eggs/baskets. Then he rips out their eyeballs, dips them in chocolate and eats them. And he probably works off all that chocolate by flying all around the world three times in eighteen seconds. And he gives chocolate to deserving little kids in Africa and Asia and such, because he's just that nice of a badass eagle.
Toothfairy: You loose a tooth and some happy little winged bastard someone flies into your room by unknown means and steals your tooth, leaving money in it's place. So basically leaving a tooth under your pillow automatically means it's for sale. I bet there's more than one toothfairy and they have battles to the death upon who gets the tooth. I used to get 25 cents for every tooth I lost, my spoiled cousins Jayda and Devon would get up to like, 4 bucks.

Not quite like that though.
I drew that in 3 minutes, so ignore the weird looking deer.
I guess the toothfairy only liked rotten kids. I think the toothfairy should actually be some weird cannibalistic native from the Amazon rainforest who takes kids teeth and makes necklaces out of them for his cannibal tribe but feels bad for stealing them so he leaves money he stole from your parents in place of the teeth.
Here's all three I drew together:

We're going to assume that the toothfairy speaks a weird language because he's from the Amazon.

Number Three:
The internet. Google images, facebook and basically any other site that shows my childhood heroes and idols engaging into awkward yaoi/yuri. I'm not against people who are like that in real life, but when you make my favourite pokemon characters do stuff like that, then you have broken my heart and scarred me for life. I've drawn a couple pictures of what it's supposed to be like, and what people want it to be like. Just no....
YES:

 NO:
























I suck at drawing yaoi/people kissing, but I don't care. Besides, Brock+Ash=NO.

That's all I can think of right now. Updates later.

Oh, and in my very first post I drew a cat. I've decided to name that cat Mr. Da Vinci. Just for the hell of it.